Author-Speaker-Coach-Reiki Master
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It was October 15th. Circled in red on my calendar, I knew it was the annual Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and October was its Awareness Month. My husband and children were away at work and school and I started downing any alcohol and prescription pills I could find in the house. After an entire day of binging and sobbing, I stumbled out to the staircase to throw myself down several flights to end it all. At the bottom of those stairs, I died but only to wake up in a hospital with my dear husband hovering over me and doctors administering emergency, lifesaving care. That day, however, I found Samuel, my angel infant son, picking me up and giving me his wings to help me live again.”
~Nicole B. Gebhard, Broken Wings Broken Dreams
Broken Wings Broken Dreams: A Mother’s Life After Infant Loss and Miscarriage is the raw, emotional, and deeply inspirational story of Silverlight Press author, Nicole B. Gebhardt about her painful fourteen year battle of blaming herself for her nine week old baby, Samuel’s death.
Finding her son in his crib, lifeless and yet, so perfect and beautiful, that day changed her life forever. Plunged into a dark and ever deepening spiral, she fell into despair, shame, guilt, depression, inconsolable grief, and self-destructive behaviors. Alcohol, pills, and food addictions were her escape, anything to numb the pain. As a military spouse with constant moves and deployments, Nicole found herself all too often isolated, alone, and without support. No one knew about the true source of Nicole’s pain, even her husband who she had met after a divorce and Samuel’s death. In spite of a picture perfect marriage and children, Nicole felt unworthy and constantly waited for the next bad chapter in her life. Having previously experienced sexual abuse, rape, domestic abuse, and the subsequent alienation from family and friends, she felt she no longer had any worth to justify living a life, let alone a contented and successful one.That determinative day at the bottom of a staircase began her journey back to a renewal, rebirth, and transformation. The directed return in learning to live again turned her pain into purpose and her loss into a legacy of love, all partnered with her angel son, Samuel.This is a must-read for any woman who has lost an infant, a child, or pregnancy. In Nicole’s story, the reader will find hope, healing, and a unique and untold path into a life of meaning, peace,spiritual uplifting, well-being, and joy.
1 in 4 pregnancies results in miscarriage. Over 2 million more annually worldwide are stillbirths. SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) claims thirty-eight deaths per 100,000 live births in the United States. The grief is unmeasurable and yet, most live this traumatic chapter without any or inadequate support to heal.
Through The Healing Cocoon workbook Silverlight Press author Nicole B. Gebhardt, renowned coach, published author, speaker, and Reiki Master, guides you through your loss to learn to live again, to turn depression into joy, pain into purpose, and loss into a legacy of love. Nicole lost her nine week old son, Samuel, to SIDS and also sustained multiple miscarriages. As a single mother with children and then, a military spouse, Nicole was often alone and turned to addictions and other destructive behaviors to cope and numb the pain. The Healing Cocoon is her methodology that allowed her to emerge and live her best life ever.
When the mourners depart, the friends get busy, the family has its own obligations, and you are left in the silence and deepest despair- Readers will find renewal, rebirth and transformation in an elevated connection to a life worth living.
The Healing Cocoon :A Mother's Emergence After Infant and Pregnancy Loss is a perfect gift for friends and family to a mother and her family when words and actions aren't enough. Give her this lifeline of a book.
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To my dearest Samuel,
You were only with us nine short weeks.
The day I found you in your crib, lifeless, but still beautiful, I wanted to end my life.
How could you leave me? What did I do? I blamed myself. I thought I was being punished. I believed I was not fit to be a mother. I sunk into a dark world of addictions, abuse, depression, low self-esteem, and intolerable shame, guilt, and self-destructive behaviors. I kept spiraling down into that black hole of Hell.
Several years later, one Oct. 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remberance and Awareness Day, the pain was more than I could bear. In spite of having a wonderful husband and picture perfect family of children, I tried to take my life.
You saved me. What I realized later was that you claimed your wings that day you left us so I could live my fullfest life. Togethet, we will make an impact on the world and help women globally through our legacy of love.
I dedicate my books, my work, and my life to you.
I love you my Angel.
Mommy
WELCOME FROM NICOLE
So…I was the girl who never thought I deserved nice things, financial security, a loving husband (certainly not one that treated me like a Queen!), precious children, or a successful career. A happily-ever-after life was pure fiction. Fantasy. That only happened in the movies right?
Depressed, abused, forever struggling, suffering from complex post-traumatic stress with one horrible tragedy after another-I thought I’d always be that woman pressing her nose up to the glass of the window of a beautiful life. I just wanted to die. Truly. And one day, I almost succeeded in fulfilling that self-proclaimed prophecy.
-Excerpt from A Queen Saves Herself by Nicole B. Gebhardt
In the fourth book I’m releasing, A Queen Saves Herself, I shared my personal story of transformation and triumph. In it, I share some tough and incredibly raw stories but also, stories of healing, transformation, and victory.
A Queen embraces her power and doesn’t wait for others to build her Queendom. She takes charge and lives in a bold and authentic way. In fact, it’s the only path to realizing one’s greatness. Yet, the journey is not all fairy tales and pretty pictures. Quite the contrary.
When I wrote my first book, The Queen’s Companion, I concluded that if I shared my story alone, my readers would be asking throughout “how did she do this? How did she survive and turn her life around? Perhaps she figured it out but what about me?” My objective in writing my memoir, the first book, was to inspire women globally. I believed I needed to share my process and the methods I learned which are now used to assist my coaching clients and women I meet every day. So another publishing project, The Queen’s Companion Book, was born.
More news-I just completed and am now launching my second and third published books, Broken Wings Broken Dreams and it’s companion, The Healing Cocoon: Emergence after Infant and Pregnancy Loss. It’s dedicated to my infant son, Samuel. I lost my adorable nine-week-old baby boy to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). I also sustained two miscarriages. These unfathomable and painful experiences are at the core of my passion for infant loss and miscarriage awareness.
I will forever be an advocate and ambassador to break the silence. 1 in 4 pregnancies results in miscarriage. Over 2 million more annually and worldwide are stillbirths. SIDS claims 38.4 deaths per 100,000 live births in the United States. The grief is unmeasurable and yet, most live this traumatic chapter without any or adequate support.
As women, as queens, we are servant leaders to raise each other up. Turning pain into passion, I made YOU my why.
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In every woman there is a queen.
Speak to the queen and the queen will answer.
Nicole's childhood was darkened by molestation and rape; her young adult life clouded by years of depression, an abusive marriage, and the death of her infant son. She suffered from low self-esteem and floundered in her identity and purpose.
Through a fateful and almost fatal fall down the stairs, Nicole began a journey of self-exploration that led her to overcome grief, addiction, and unworthiness. Not wanting to accept negative titles, she shook off the victim persona, met struggles head on, and ultimately rose to claim her virtual crown as a “Bad-Ass Queen.” Now happy and fulfilled, Nicole has a prince of a husband, with a family of delightful and distinctly talented children. She lives her passion as a coach, Reiki Master, author, and speaker—with unlimited drive to empower women worldwide.
Featuring Nicole’s unique spirit and style, this exclusive workbook-like companion is curated for readers, as both a standalone and an accompaniment to her poignant memoir, A Queen Saves Herself: A Story of Transformation and Triumph.
The 12-step methodology developed by Author-Speaker-Coach, Nicole B. Gebhardt, unlocks techniques, secrets, and guidance in an all-encompassing compendium for a gratifying life and career. It is a continually relevant resource that you will also revisit for an extra refresh when needed.
The Queen's Companion Book: Rule Your Throne. Own Your Queendom is the readers’ equivalent of a luxurious retreat that provides detailed insights into how to take charge of your life and direct your own destiny, professionally and personally. Supported by a focus group of over 2000 women, this book uses the same techniques the author implemented in transforming and triumphing in her own life, as well as supporting her clients in similar life transitions.
This immersive and holistic experience is Nicole B. Gebhardt’s gift to you: an inestimable must-read for any woman looking for strength, renewal, heartfelt support, a true plan of action, and newfound level of joy. In these beautiful and enveloping pages, you too will achieve a well-developed sense of awareness; come to know you deserve the life you've dreamed of; can indeed make every aspect of that vision happen; and are worthy of every multi-faceted jewel of it.
The Upcoming Fourth Book Release
